Programme 2: Friends and Lovers

Programme Outline

Friends and Lovers features five video diaries exploring the views and lifestyles of young gay men and women. The diaries are supported by the music and imagery of youth culture.

Hayley: 18, happy with being lesbian but wishes sexual orientation just wasn’t an issue.

Nathan and Mark: the pain of being gay when younger, coming out, then finding happiness.

Jessica: 16, almost sure she’s gay, happy with a girlfriend who subsequently dumps her.

Michael: came out at school age 13, life easier at college, coping with on-going abuse

Sarah and Lisa - love at first sight followed by ups and downs of a changing relationship

00.00 – 04.20
Hayley
Hayley is 18, an extrovert, lives in the south and is gay. Her sexuality is about who she has sex with and does not affect other friendships, aspirations or goals in her life. A gay male friend says he didn’t know she was gay when they first met and admits to having stereotypic views of lesbians before this. At fifteen she stopped going out with boys and got a real girlfriend, something she’s very comfortable with. She describes it as neither a fashion nor a phase but just the way she was born. She has gay and straight friends. Her best friend is straight and a lot older. She’s accepting of Hayley’s sexuality but Hayley’s not so accepting of hers, as she once had a crush on her. She finds men attractive, but not sexually attractive. She wishes she didn’t have to make the video, go to gay clubs, pubs and youth groups or for there to be such things. It would be lovely for it just not to be an issue at all.

04.21 – 09.28
Nathan and Mark
As they travel around Slovakia, where they’ve gone to attend Nathan’s cousin’s wedding, they recall how they felt when each said they loved the other. They describe their experiences of growing up gay. Nathan hated the fact he was attracted to men. He found it difficult to admit to himself, even though he knew inside. He used to tell himself he couldn’t fall in love and think there was something wrong with him. Mark used to chase girls to pretend he was straight.

Nathan explains many gay men are homophobic because they hate themselves for being homosexual. Mark admits he was like that. He used to pray he’d wake up straight and wish he hadn’t been born gay. Nathan says there were times he wished himself dead. He speaks about coming out and says it is a process that takes many years. Some people equate it with when you tell your parents, which is difficult because they are the most important people to tell. He says the beginning is when you tell yourself. Nathan’s mother is asked if she wished she didn’t have a gay son. She says if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have the son she has. She couldn’t wish that and wouldn’t change him for anything. Nathan explains how hard it was to keep it a secret for seven years. Mark says the last two and a half years with Nathan have been the happiest of his life and that for him coming out means no more lies.

09.28 – 13.13
Jessica
Jessica, age 16, is interviewed by a slightly older gay man. She’s 80% sure she’s gay. She was fourteen and a half when she first 'snogged' a girl, her best friend. It just happened, but the friend told everyone and the friendship ended. She’s currently in a relationship with Nellie. It runs into problems and misunderstandings similar to those found in opposite sex relationships. Nellie dumps her by text phone and Jessica decides on some shopping therapy. Nellie explains she went off Jessica, is glad she’s out of her life and she’s loving the freedom.

13.13 – 18.20
Michael
Michael ‘came out’ at school, age 13. Everyone had a viewpoint about this and thought they should tell him. It was a difficult time. In spite of the knocks he remained committed to who he really was. Life was a bit easier at college. People were generally more mature, but the emphasis was on ‘gay Michael’ not Michael. He meets a girl he was at primary school with. She just wants to know him because he’s gay but eventually they become friends. He explains what it’s like to be bad-mouthed by school kids. If you retaliate it gets worse, if you don’t, you just feel bad about yourself. You can never get away from it. There’s always going to be people who’ll taunt you.

18.20 – 24.00
Sally and Lisa
Lisa, who didn’t believe in love at first sight, met Sally at university and fell for her, but had to return home from university because she was ill. Feeling better she returns for the university ball. Both she and Sally are excited about seeing each other but Lisa becomes uncertain about her feelings and admits to enjoying having had a break from Sally. She fears Sally’s feelings towards her have changed because the role of looking after her because she was ill has gone and she’s now more independent. Eventually they both adjust to the new situation and together, enjoy themselves at the ball.