MAKE ME A GROWN UP
PROGRAMME 7: MARK
BACKGROUND
Nineteen-year-old Mark is a first-year undergraduate. He lives with his family in Wembley. An atypical student, he does not participate in wider student life. He stands on the sidelines, contenting himself with going to lectures and visiting the library before returning home. He would like to do what other students do, but lacks the necessary confidence. Whenever he is in a group, he is convinced that he is the centre of attention for negative reasons. He worries about slipping up, being stupid and irritating others. He does not know what to say. He gets tense and erects a barrier between himself and those around him. He fears that he will be a social isolate for the rest of his life.
Mark envies other students who are comfortable with themselves and can indulge in everything that student life has to offer. He is unhappy being a fish out of water. He wants to have fun. He wants to stop worrying about what other people think. The mentoring team concentrates its efforts on helping Mark to:
- learn the art of social conversation
- appreciate his good points
- conquer his internal critic
- improve his dress sense.
PSYCHOLOGICAL EXERCISES
The speed-dating exercise helps Mark to address the problems that he has in initiating and sustaining social conversations. It offers a transferable prompt for active listening and shows how mirrored body language and minimal encouragers can reassure and engage others.
The homework activity develops the techniques introduced earlier and gives Mark the opportunity to use them in a group situation.
Stephen uses a ball-throwing exercise to help Mark tackle his internal critic. Mark identifies statements with which to challenge the negative and irrational thoughts that pop into his mind when he is in a large social group. This is an effective strategy for reducing self-criticism but, as Stephen makes clear, it requires practice to be effective in the longer term.
THE MAKEOVER
Mark is tall and lanky. Hannah advises him on how to select clothes that make the most of his build.
THE FINAL CHALLENGE
Hosting a party demonstrates that Mark has impressive social and interpersonal skills when he is relaxed. Mark comments that he feels that he has achieved the impossible. He is relieved at his new-found sense of freedom; freedom to be confident, to enjoy himself and to take more risks in social settings.
