DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY

MANAGING ANGER

FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT ANGER

The series psychologist, Dr Rachel Andrew, here presents the five essential questions to ask yourself about anger. They relate to the types of questions that she asks the families in the programme. The aim is to begin to think about anger in a different way, and to get families to draw on their own resources to move forward.

1. Why should I?
   You may want to think about anger if it is getting in your way. Anger can be a great emotion. It tells us when things are unfair and unjust. It gives us the energy to change or stop things. Anger itself is not the problem. The problem is the things that anger makes us do. We can be left feeling overwhelmed and ashamed.
2. How do I feel?
   You feel angry, but what else? If anger was in a band, it would be the noisy lead singer. Others in the band might include sadness, guilt, fear and shame. These members are quieter, but equally as important. Naming and paying attention to them is a start.
3. What makes me feel angry?
   Imagine being a detective and anger is your prime suspect. What would you need to know to understand it better? Think about when, where, at what time and with whom anger is most likely to appear? Understanding what makes us angry is an important step.
4. When have I dealt with anger well?
   We hear advice all the time about what we should do when we are angry. But we all need to find what works for ourselves. Think about a time when you were proud of how you handled anger. What did you do and what made the difference? Beginning to identify these times helps.
   
5. What choices could I make?
   If you didn't have a problem with anger, where would you be? Imagine anger as a boxing promoter, organising fights whilst it sits and watches ringside. You could choose to beat anger, rather than fighting everyone else in your life. It's not about being a different person; it's about choosing to be more in control.

Now take a look at Dr Andrew's Five Strategies For Coping With Anger.